Sleepwalking

They’re sleepwalking. I started to notice the pattern this week and now it’s everywhere I look. No fewer than half a dozen times this week, I’ve asked someone a simple question and received a non-answer, or one that shows no understanding of the question I’m asking. For example, I recently canceled a credit card. I didn’t want to do business with that bank anymore. I got a new card from a more reputable institution. The card that I closed was one of those points cards. You spend however much and they increment your points, which you can redeem at Amazon for discounts. Upon canceling the card, I was told that I could still use the points I’d accumulated. They were worth about 10 bucks. I vowed never to purchase from Amazon again because of the way they treat their employees (that sick bastard running that outfit said something like all of his employees should spend every day terrified that his business wouldn’t succeed – I mean “their” business. What a monster.). I needed notebooks and the ones I like are 10 bucks. I thought I’d get a couple with the points I had from the old card and “close the book” on Amazon once and for all. No more streaming, no more Chinese crap, nothing. I’m out. Then at checkout, Amazon wouldn’t recognize the points. Their site said to contact the partner, the credit card company, who then forwarded my call to Amazon. The girl on the phone told me that I could use the points when I get my replacement card. I explained that I won’t be getting a replacement card because I closed the account with the bank because I’m not doing business with them anymore. I mentioned the supposed validity of the remaining points. She said that I should call them and get a replacement card and when I enter the number on Amazon, I’ll be able to access the points. This went on for a couple of rounds before I gave up. Like that line from A Bronx Tale, I figured it cost me ten bucks, but that Amazon girl was out of my life forever. I got off cheap.

Here’s another example. My medical insurance company has been denying claims for my whole family since last fall. They always tell the billing company submitting the claims that they don’t know who we are – that there is no evidence of coverage. A call to the insurance company was all it took to dispute that successfully. I’m paying my premiums, but every time Atlantic Health, the company that owns all of the medical business hereabouts, submits my claims, they get rejected. Non-Atlantic Health? Everything is jake. I’ve been on the phone with the billing company, the providers and the insurance company countless times. Nothing helps. I’ve even had them talk to each other. (I didn’t need to hold two phones against each other Bat phone-style. I just held the line while they talked.) Regardless of the resolutions suggested, these calls always conclude with a vow to resubmit my claims. My credit gets a stay of execution for another month, at which time the whole process starts again. I finally thought that perhaps the broker who got us the insurance in the first place could help. She’s got a direct line to this insurance company, right? I explained the whole situation to her. I told her that there was no reason why my claims should be denied. From a purely business perspective, the insurance company was taking my money for premiums and then denying claims. Sounds like stealing to me. You know what she did? She sent me a page of instructions explaining how to use a health insurance card. It said how I should present it to the provider and that the provider would submit the claims. It was like getting email from the surface of Mars, except that Martians would have helped. I’ve got the billing company submitting by mail now, in the hopes that a human of some value may intervene. No matter what happens, I’m not paying for all these medical bills like I’m not insured. But the fact is, there’s nowhere to go. No one can help. If this ever shakes out, it will be dumb luck, nothing more.

Sometimes sleepwalkers ask follow up questions that I’ve already answered in my original inquiry. I use many software instruments. I’m in the process of trying to get a DAW machine going on Linux. So I asked a software vendor about installation limits on Windows vs. Linux. They put limits on these things. If you buy a license, you can’t just install the software on as many machines as you please. I told this person that I wanted to install their instrument on my Linux box and that I have two Windows installations running on other machines. Since the Linux version is still in beta, I wanted to know if my Linux installation would count toward my license limit of three. They responded asking how many installations I’m running. They knew exactly who I was, because I was logged into their contact form, which is one link away on their site from the section that lists the installations you’ve registered. My original question stated plainly that I’m running two installations. Words failed me. I stared at the screen, incredulous.

They’re sleepwalking. They’re zombie-like. Irrational, useless, crippled by their own simplicity. Christ, it even happens in person at the pharmacy and other stores that love to ask if you found everything you were looking for today. Trust me, no matter what you wanted and regardless of whether you found it, just say yes. Life is a fleeting thing. We should never waste a single minute of it.

While considering these frustrations, I struggled to explain why this was the new normal. What I think I’ve arrived at is this. They’re all sleepwalking. The country, and by extension, the rest of the world, is upside down. The horror has become real – so real in fact that in my mind it has ceased to be horror and become mere fact. It’s just something to be managed and dealt with daily, like a disease that befalls you while stranded on a deserted island after a storm has destroyed your vessel.

There is no longer a rule of law. There is no right that can’t be stripped away. Speeches and investigations are pointless. You can get pulled off the street in violation of very rights that used to be protected here. Tariffs are imposed and removed and reimposed at will, like someone just learning to hang wallpaper. Today you have a job. Tomorrow you may not. You may not know why either condition exists. It’s like a tornado. It takes out your neighbor’s house, and leaves yours, but they’re predicting more tornadoes for tomorrow, if that forecast isn’t actually a lie. The chaos has permeated the mind and soul of the planet. At any moment you, your family or your means of survival could be wiped away, just because. How can anyone think straight? That has to be it. The US is psychologically and emotionally breaking down. I never thought it would manifest itself in the sleepwalk, where everyday interactions would no longer make sense. I didn’t think that it would become impossible to make even the slightest progress on simple matters of understanding or process. I only knew that terrible things were coming and that half the country had become a danger to be around.

The way in which I’m dealing with this situation is by practicing awareness and preparing for scarcity. Very few people can be truly prepared to lose a job, medical services, personal liberty, education or basic necessities. It’s far too late too think about a solution for the American helplessness. That’s been decades in the making. Forget about Social Security or data privacy. The destruction can’t be prevented anymore. I think the only way to survive is to need less and to use our intelligence to work their sick system. We have to hold on. I think we can trust that they’ll handle their takeover with the same skill they apply to everything else. Essentially this regime can’t actually do anything without fucking it up. We’re not talking about very smart guys here. It also would be wise to arm ourselves against the government now. The most advanced military power on the planet run by absolute fuck-ups is far from invulnerable. Naive people ask, petition and demonstrate. Desperate people take. You can’t abuse that many people and not end up with your fucking head in a basket. I won’t lose a minute’s sleep over it. It’s just a question of when. It’s too bad it has to go down like this, but deep down, I really don’t care anymore.

I focus on the present only. Not the past and not the future. They no longer exist. I focus most on what cannot be taken away from me. In my mind there is no scarcity, only abundance. In the physical realm, I consider how much I can really live without. The list is long. I believe that’s what it will take. I don’t listen to news and talking heads whose livelihoods depend upon fear and worry and panic. They offer no solution, so their time is up with me. The biggest challenge is to circumnavigate the sleepwalkers. They aren’t going away. You can’t help them. It’s not pretty, but it’s important to be smart now. It may save your life, or at least some portion of the life you used to know.